The Transition No One Talks About: Moving From Trying to Waiting, or Starting Over
Most conversations about infertility focus on the treatment itself: the protocols, the appointments, the two-week wait. Less gets said about the transitions in between. The space after a cycle ends and before the next one begins. The pause after a loss, when you're not sure if or when you'll try again. The moment treatment stops altogether and you're left figuring out what comes next.
These in-between periods don't get much language of their own, which can make them feel like they don't count. They do count. And they're often some of the most dysregulating parts of the entire process.
Key Takeaways
The waiting periods between fertility treatment cycles, or after a loss, are a distinct and often overlooked kind of transition
This waiting frequently involves ambiguous grief, loss without a clear endpoint or ritual to mark it
There is no wrong way to feel during a pause in treatment, whether that's relief, dread, hope, or numbness
This transition can be isolating because it doesn't fit within the more visible, discussed parts of the fertility journey
Support during these in-between periods can help you stay connected to yourself while so much feels uncertain
The Waiting Has Its Own Weight
Whether it's the wait between cycles, the pause after a loss, or the open-ended stretch after treatment without a clear next step, this kind of waiting doesn't behave like ordinary waiting. There's no due date to count down to, no appointment on the calendar to organize the days around. Just an unresolved question sitting in the background of everything else.
That kind of uncertainty is its own particular strain, separate from the physical and emotional weight of fertility treatment itself.
Naming What This Actually Is: Ambiguous Grief
Grief usually comes with some kind of marker. A funeral, a date, a ritual that tells the people around you this is real and it matters. The grief that shows up during a treatment pause rarely has that. There's often nothing to point to, no announcement to make, which can leave you carrying real loss with no outside acknowledgment of it at all.
This is sometimes called ambiguous grief or disenfranchised grief. Naming it doesn't make the waiting shorter, but it can make it feel less like something is wrong with you for struggling with a period of time that, on paper, looks like nothing is happening.
There's No Correct Way to Feel Here
Some people feel relief during a pause, a break from the physical toll of treatment, even alongside continued longing. Some feel dread, worried the pause will become permanent. Some feel numb, unable to access much feeling at all after so much has already been asked of them. All of these are common responses to the same kind of transition, and none of them predicts what you'll decide to do next.
This period can also put pressure on a relationship, especially when partners are moving through the waiting differently, one ready to talk about next steps and the other not yet able to. You can read more about this on our blog here.
Staying Connected to Yourself in the Meantime
You don't have to resolve the uncertainty to be okay during it. What tends to help most is having somewhere to bring the parts of this that don't fit anywhere else: the hope you feel scared about, the relief you don't know how to explain, the grief that doesn't have an obvious place to go.
Our Pregnancy Loss and Infertility Support Group meets weekly and exists specifically for this kind of in-between space, where the waiting itself is the hard part.
Conclusion
The space between trying and knowing doesn't get much acknowledgment, but it's real, and it's allowed to be hard even without a clear event to point to. You don't have to wait until there's more clarity to deserve support.
Ready to Get Support?
If you're in a waiting period right now, whether between cycles, after a loss, or somewhere less defined, we're here. We offer therapy for individuals and couples navigating infertility and loss, and our Pregnancy Loss and Infertility Support Group meets weekly for exactly this kind of season.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is it normal to feel relieved during a break from fertility treatment?
A: Yes. Relief during a pause is common, even alongside continued hope or grief, and doesn't reflect how much you want to build your family.
Q: What is ambiguous grief in the context of infertility?
A: It refers to a real sense of loss that doesn't have a clear marker or ritual attached to it, which can make it harder to have acknowledged by others.
Q: How long do these in-between periods usually last?
A: It varies significantly by situation and by the decisions being made. There's no standard timeline, which is part of what makes this transition uniquely hard.
Q: Can support groups help during a treatment pause?
A: Yes. Being in a room with others who understand this specific kind of waiting can ease the isolation that often comes with it. You can learn more about our Support Groups here.
Q: What if my partner and I feel differently about what to do next?
A: That's common. Differing timelines or readiness levels between partners are a normal part of this process and are worth talking through with support. We offer couples therapy to help you work through this time together.
About the Author
Yael Sherne is a California licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT 128601) and the founder of Mother Nurture Therapy Group. With nearly a decade of experience and specialized training in perinatal mental health, couples therapy, and trauma, she supports individuals and couples navigating fertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting.
Disclaimer
The content on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room. Mother Nurture Therapy Group provides therapy services in California. For personalized support, please contact us to schedule a consultation.